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I had a rather unsettling issue with a Christmas gift this year. I busted my butt finding the right item, spending more than I expected, in order to please someone who is very hard to please. I went into Christmas nervous about it. The gift went okay, but the credit for it went to someone else.
I blamed the person receiving the gift. Then I blamed myself, thinking I can't get things right. Then I hated the whole holiday for putting me in the position of having to deal with such an issue.
When we're rejected, we have to react. Nobody shrugs and moves on easily, especially when the submission felt so right. Rejection hurts. Then your reaction naturally is directed first at the person who did not accept your work. Then, realizing there's nothing you can do about that, you turn that hurt inward, frustrated that you took too little time on the query, or overestimated your ability to write. Then when that frustration results in little positive results, you feel like a lesser person, and you get mad at the publishing industry.
I've seen these reactions on blogs, in chats, and across forums everywhere. It's almost stereotypical in nature. That hurt has to go somewhere.
What we can do is don armor, reminding ourselves it's part of writing, and ultimately part of life. We can't win all the time. We can't win half the time. We can't win regularly, or even predictably. Sometimes we don't win for a long, long time.
That's when we strive to lose graciously. We must distance ourselves from that inevitable disappointment just enough not to fall apart, but leave it close enough to learn from it.
It's not easy. We don't learn how to maintain our balance without failing . . . failing a lot. We're failed in 2011. We'll fail in 2012. But the difference can be a simple matter of attitude, in how we juggle the experience, in hopes that one day we stand on our feet, scarred but wiser, and winning a little more.
Happy New Year, friends.
3 comments:
More evidence that we have to please ourselves first, and that doesn't have to mean being selfish. Whether or not we please our giftees or editors is beyond our control once we put it out there. Sure, we can hone our skills, go in armed and prepared, but ultimately the result can depend on a whim, on the weather, on someone else's mood. We have to like what we do above all. If someone else does, well, that's just gravy!
Hope,
Your description of “rejection” gave me chill bumps because it was perfect! The older we are the more experience we’ve had with it. Being kicked in the gut…the heavy tug of the heart…the gigantic lump in the throat…knowing it will happen again. However, knowing we will feel it again means we will continue to live. “Improvement” (or looking on the bright side) is my word (phrase) for 2012.
It’s hard work being a “feelings soaker upper”…LOL
Joni
I think this is one of my favorite posts, Joni. It always amazed me when I let a rejection send me to bed disappointed. The next morning I awaken, look in the mirror and go, "seriously?" --and then I rock on. (Or try to)
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